This Seattle man claims to be Kurt Cobain. Not Kurt Cobain reincarnated. The real Kurt Cobain. He says he faked his own death.
“It [suicide] was a way to get the media attention and all the stupid fans off my back so I could live in peace,” hesaid. “But now I miss all the awesome attention and I want my career back. I want to make money. I want to rock.”
“Kurt” should be 47 years old right now.
“I’m 27. I never aged. I found a special plant in Alaska that I smoke daily that prevents physical aging. I’m ready to rock.”
Uh, huh. So how’s the new album going?
“This new Nirvana album is my most rockin-est yet. I’m recording it myself in my condo studio. Dave [Grohl] and Krist [Novoselic] didn’t get back to me about playing, but that’s okay. I know they’re busy dudes. So my mom’s playing drums and my neighbor’s playing bass. They’re both awesome musicians. My dog’s even barking on it.”
So how does Courtney Love feel about his sudden reappearance?
“We’re very much in love and she is my best friend in the world and she is pregnant with my baby (we have six kids total) and we’re buying a condo in New York City and a big house on the beach in Paris and building a skyscraper in Mexico City for just two of us and she said she is going to buy me a limousine once the new album comes out so I can ride to my concerts and awards shows in rockin’ style. I love her so much and she loves me back so much. I love her boobs.”
How sweet. “Kurt” is hoping the new Nirvana album will be ready in 2016.